gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
