It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
