Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
