I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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