do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
