Pants 0. Shit 1.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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