She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We just shotgunned beers for America
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
