ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
