You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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