Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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