i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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