Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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