Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize