you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
