I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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