I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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