About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You are the jesus of drinking
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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