and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
