Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
