You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
