I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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