Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
