five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
