We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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