there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
