Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
