it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
