After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
