took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
