I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
nutella sex= disaster
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
