i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
only if we run a train.
done.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
