Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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