just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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