My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
