Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
