Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
