What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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