It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize