I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
