Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
being pregnant is like rehab
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
