Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
