Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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