2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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