Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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