I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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