She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
What a dumb baby whore.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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