Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
