My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
