could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
