definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
