My nipple is on Facebook.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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