Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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