Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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