I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
