Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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