There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
