just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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