I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
