The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
