hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Found your dick twin last night
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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