I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
