Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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