matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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