Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
