so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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