So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
