Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
